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03:52 pm: would you like a little cheese with that wine???
Well it's monday night, tomarrow is my b-day. I'm sitting here half stoned, and feeling so sorry for myself. Not for getting older, well maybe alittle of it has to do with age. I hate my life..it seems whenever things start looking better somthing happens to turn it all to shit. It's so draining and fustrating. And it gets worst, I could so easily fix everything and get my life back to where I want it to be. I say that cause I know all of my issues, I know what I need to do. I know what I need to stop doing.

Thats what gets me, I know what I want and need but I dont go after it. I'm afraid, I'm afraid of everything. that sounds so stupid but I dont know how else to say it. I need to see a doc. and get some help. I know it will never happen, honestly...I just dont think I care enough, I have no highs and lows. I'm so fucken brain fried! so how do you change when you just dont care?

I know the person I want to be, I know its not going to be easy to change. I think I've hit the losest pointe of my life. I wont say I'm suicidal, I could never do that to my loved ones...but being a beach bum in the tropic's sounds better every day.

My life will change one way or the other. I no longer have the ability to skate by and/or wing it! and I have to face the fact I might not be able to do this all alone. "note to self" need to check my insurance.

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed


[User Picture]
Date:February 8th, 2006 12:15 pm (UTC)

32 more spankings wont hurt!

Happy belated birthday again hun *HuGS* :) I'll have to find something suitable to give you.

Im not going to pry into your personal issues, just know that Im here if you ever need an ear or a shoulder to lean on. (Hugs are a given!)

Being a member of the apathetic club myself- the best thing I can say in regards to the changes you want to make, but can't be bothered to do anything about.. start with the little things. Sometimes, you even get to a point where its almost easier to 'change' then it is to continue not caring.

*HuGS* Hope you ended up having a good day, spiked with some fun thoughts! *impish smile*
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